What if?

What if we actually believed what God thinks of us? What if we believed He was real, that He genuinely cares about us and what we are doing, that it's not about doing the right things or saying the right words or appearing to have it all together. It just kind of hit me while reading this tonight, nowhere in the bible does it say 'thou shall appear to be perfect' or 'thou shall wear a mask'. No! we are called to be different from the rest of the world and that is not a call to perfection - that is a call to be real, to not be afraid to show that we are hurt, struggling, human. for goodness sake why am i so afraid to appear to be human?

What if I believe who God said I was. What if i lived out of who God says I am. --Blessed, Adopted, a royal priesthood, LOVED, cherished, close to God, chosen, holy, a princess, promised great things, forgiven. What if i believed these things were true, I stopped living in my past, believing those things defined me. I stopped living with who I've been believing i need to 'fix things up' before i let God back in. What if i just stopped.

I always say i'm tired. It's not physical or emotional or mental per say. It's an i'm tired of pretending that everything is okay when really it's not. i'm tired of putting on an act for everyone, including myself. i'm tired of not knowing who i am -- but really what that is, is an aching, a longing for God. a need to be filled by the only thing that can encompass everything i have ever needed and leave me satisfied. It's not exhaustion from life. It's exhaustion from sin and the need to be loved by the one who can tell me who i really am. His.

Imagine if we believed God when He says: "What if I tell them who they are? What if I take away any element of fear in condemnation, judgment, or rejection? What if I tell them I love them, will always love them? That I love them right now, no matter what they've done, as much as I love my only Son? That there's nothing they can do to make my love go away?
What if I tell them there are no lists? What if I tell them I don't keep a log of past offenses, of how little they pray, how often they've let me down, made promises that they don't keep? What if I tell them they are righteous, with My righteousness, right now? What if I tell them they can stop beating themselves up? That they can stop being so formal, stiff, and jumpy around me? What if I tell them I'm crazy about them? What if I tell them, even if they run to the ends of the earth and do the most horrible, unthinkable things, that when they come back I'd receive them with tears and a party?
What if I tell them that if I am their Savior, they're going to heaven no matter what - it's a done deal? What if I tell them they have a new nature - saints, not saved sinners who should now 'buck-up and be better if they were any kind of Christians, after all he's done for you!' What if I tell them that I actually live in them now? That I’ve put my love, power, and nature inside of them, at their disposal? What if I tell them that they don't have to put on a mask? That it is ok to be who they are at this moment, with all their junk. That they don’t need to pretend about how close we are, how much they pray or don't, how much Bible they read or don't. What if they knew they don't have to look over their shoulder for fear that if things get too good, the other shoe's going to drop?
What if they knew I will never, ever use the word 'punish' in relation to them? What if they knew that when they mess up, I will never 'get back at them'? What if they were convinced that bad circumstances aren't my way of evening the score for taking advantage of me? What if they knew the basis of our friendship isn’t how little they sin, but how much they let me love them? What if I tell them they can hurt my heart, but that I never hurt theirs? What if I tell them I like Eric Clapton’s music too? What if I tell them I never really liked the Christmas handbell deal with the white gloves? What if I tell them they can open their eyes when they pray and still go to heaven? What if I tell them there is no secret agenda, or trapdoor? What if I tell them it isn’t about their self-effort, but allowing me to live my life through them?"

What if we actually let Him?

Harder

Life may be crazy

And seem so out of control

But listen little baby

There’s so much you don’t know.



Though the storm seems hard in the moment

The sunshine is coming i know it

When it seems like no one’s there

Just look around. I’m right here.



You’ll never know how much you mean till you’re gone

How many fights you stepped between,

How many battles you have won.

You’ll never realize that the world was a better place

With your smiling face, to light up my day.

And Love, I know life was hard,

But life gets harder with you gone.



I think it’s crazy

That at fourteen you felt unshakeable

The world got to be too much

the pressure was un-takeable.



I wish i could’ve been right there

to hold your hands, dry your tears

I wish you would have know your needed now

right now.



And I can see the darkness in the world, reflecting,

You’re eyes were the greatest strength i’ve ever seen.

I’ve seen you smile, i’ve seen you laugh

I realized it was just an act,

but i prayed every day that your world would change.

and here you’d stay.

Cause life gets harder when you’re gone.



They tell me it’s not my fault

You’re in a better place.

They tell me that the world can’t change

from just one life.

But you were so capable,

through every obstacle

and now there is no one else

to call on.





You will change the world

Even without life

I know, I’ve seen your heart

Through your crystal eyes

And you never realized that you meant the world to me.

Turned my life upside down made me start to believe

You made a difference, love, even though you were fourteen

and now its crazy to think,

you thought you were nothing.

Crazy now to think

you finally got your wings…

And I know life’s hard

But it gets harder with you gone.

Inspired by: Matt Hobby 1/23/97-10/4/2011

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd = that's relationship
I shall not want = thats's supply
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures = that's rest
He leadeth me beside still waters = that's refreshment
He restoreth my soul = that's healing
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness = that's guidance
For His name's sake = that's purpose
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death = that's testing
I will fear no evil = that's protection
For thou art with me = that's faithfulness
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me = that's discipline
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies = that's hope
Thou annointest my head with oil = that's consecration
My cup runneth over = that's abundance
Surley goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life = that's blessing
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord = that's security
Forever = that's eternity

How Great is Our God

A friend of mine, Kayleigh, has been in the hospital for over a week now. Whenever I would pray, it would be for her, her parents, and her older brother: for them to have peace in whatever new situations arise and for her to ultimately be healed. I never really thought about her two younger siblings until tonight. Her little sister, Paige, is 8 1/2 years old, too young to understand, or so I thought. But she ran up to me and church tonight and I had the God given opportunity to just love on this little girl and give her some much desired attention and affection. As I was holding her in worship she started to tell me that her sister was in the hospital and they didn't know when they we're going to be home, but somewhere in the jumbled half conversation I had with this little girl, she said "but it's okay, God will take care of her". I did not really know what to say from that point, I nodded my head and smiled, and she proceeded to worship the God who was taking care of her sister.

Kids amaze me all the time, which is one of the reasons I love them so much. The way they look at the world, and troubles. They know that they have absolutely no control over situations, so they have total trust in the ones who do, in this case, God. I, as a seventeen year old girl, was pulling out my hair a few short days before in fear and worry over my best friend being sick and me not being able to 'be there for her'. I do not know what I thought I could do. I have no medical degree, I do not even know half the things that were going wrong and I would have no idea of where to even search the index of a medical book in order to diagnose anything. But even knowing that, I could not bring myself to stop worrying and just trust that God knows what His plan is and He does not need my help. But this 8 1/2 year old girl grasped that concept of trust that I could not even begin to understand.

I stood there holding Paige for a while longer while she and the rest of my youth ministry worshipped this wonderful God who I cannot even begin to comprehend. She was, singing, "How great is our God," admits the stress she was going through with her family and sister. It was such a blessing for me to be able to hold her and worship with her. Then later to hold her and try to comfort her when she was feeling weak because she missed Kay. And it was a blessing to see her brother fight back tears to tell her everything was going to be all right. By the end of the night, she was surrounded by teenagers and adults that were crazy impressed by her strength. Moreover, me, who was crazy impressed and humbled by her ability to understand and trust God, even in the middle of a storm.

Remember Me?

To a friend... And the child said:



Do you remember who i am?

we used to be so close...

i used to be the one

the one that you relied on

the one you told everything to

What changed in your life?

why'd you throw it all away?

you left me feeling worthless,

like i'm not enough,

like i couldn't keep you safe.

and maybe you were too far gone,

but i had hope and believed

that maybe if you let me in

life would get better...

but it was spoken, and i failed

i couldn't make it all okay

now i don't even know myself...

How could you remember me...



--



To HIS child... And HE said:



Do you remember who I am?

we used to be so close...

I used to be the one

The One that you relied on

The One you told everything to

What changed in your life?

why'd you throw it all away?

I know he left you feeling worthless

but I'm enough

I can keep you safe

and just know you're never too far gone

if you just hope and you believe

my love, if you just let Me in,

life would get better.

and I can't tell you that you'll never fall

but I'll let you know, without fail

that I'll catch you, I'll be with you

I'll let you know who you are.

You'll find yourself in Me.

I'm not the God of your past,

I still heal, Remember Me?

Amazing.

...I find it amazing that just when I need it God intervenes and puts people in my world that say exactly what I need to hear.

I have felt the strong calling to be a missionary for about a year now but it seems like every time I bring it up it is shot down, people telling me it is impractical and I should get a "real job" first and other discouragements. And I have let them get to me. Secretly, I still have the passion to go into the mission field. But when people ask me what I want to do with my life, I usually just simply say teach now. Though that passion is still there, Satan has been really working on that and telling me that its not going to happen and I don't have money for bible college and I HAVE to go to bible college before I can be a missionary, and just that it will not happen for me and I should just become acceptant of my secular career in the future. It really hurts to give up that dream and it has gotten me pretty down and at a point where I had become almost complacent with God because I did not have faith in Him for my future anymore, I had believed the lies that He could not do it.

Anyways, what I was getting to. In sunday school, a man who was going to Botswana for God came to speak.. through him God just really spoke to me and told me that my passion and life will not be fulfilled without his ministry as a part of it. and though he will use me wherever I go, He has put a specific calling in my life to the people of other nations and that no matter what the cost, whether pride or popularity, or my life savings (which is $0 at this point) His plan will always be better then my own. And He will always provide for me when I have Faith in him.

He apologized at the end for going off on tangents.. but it was in those moments that we got to see his undisclosed passion for God and God got to speak through him most freely... It was pretty amazing and brought tears to my eyes. For the first time in a while i realized that God is good and faithful and His plans really are greater then my own, no matter what anyone says. If i follow His will, everything will turn out for His glory.

You are More.

P.S. God is awesome, like so very awesome, He orchestrates things so wonderfully that it amazes me.

This morning i woke up at 6:30am, to find my TV on a channel/show i had never heard of. It was called "UP TV", a channel for 2 hours of Christian Music. Soon after waking up, and not being able to go back to sleep (much to my dismay). Mike Donehe (lead of tenth avenue north) comes on the television and says these words, exactly what i needed to hear right at that moment, and then follows it with the song "You are more". I rewound and played it 3-4 times cause i was so amazed at how God could use a music video and commentary at 6:30am on a snow-day in January

--

Who you are isn't summed up by your choices
It's summed up by what Christ has done for you.

If we're in Christ, our choices don't define us...
We're defined by what Christ has done in our lives.

If we're in Christ, we're not struggling to be free,
we're free to struggle.

--

You can't live for God unless you learn how to live because of God
You can't make good choices for God unless you learn that your choices don't make you who you are.

--

Where we end up is not the Gospel
Who you are isn't what we do.. It's what is done for us.

--

You're more then your Successes
You're more then your Failures
You're more then your Choices
You're a sum of your Fathers Love.