Amazing.

...I find it amazing that just when I need it God intervenes and puts people in my world that say exactly what I need to hear.

I have felt the strong calling to be a missionary for about a year now but it seems like every time I bring it up it is shot down, people telling me it is impractical and I should get a "real job" first and other discouragements. And I have let them get to me. Secretly, I still have the passion to go into the mission field. But when people ask me what I want to do with my life, I usually just simply say teach now. Though that passion is still there, Satan has been really working on that and telling me that its not going to happen and I don't have money for bible college and I HAVE to go to bible college before I can be a missionary, and just that it will not happen for me and I should just become acceptant of my secular career in the future. It really hurts to give up that dream and it has gotten me pretty down and at a point where I had become almost complacent with God because I did not have faith in Him for my future anymore, I had believed the lies that He could not do it.

Anyways, what I was getting to. In sunday school, a man who was going to Botswana for God came to speak.. through him God just really spoke to me and told me that my passion and life will not be fulfilled without his ministry as a part of it. and though he will use me wherever I go, He has put a specific calling in my life to the people of other nations and that no matter what the cost, whether pride or popularity, or my life savings (which is $0 at this point) His plan will always be better then my own. And He will always provide for me when I have Faith in him.

He apologized at the end for going off on tangents.. but it was in those moments that we got to see his undisclosed passion for God and God got to speak through him most freely... It was pretty amazing and brought tears to my eyes. For the first time in a while i realized that God is good and faithful and His plans really are greater then my own, no matter what anyone says. If i follow His will, everything will turn out for His glory.

You are More.

P.S. God is awesome, like so very awesome, He orchestrates things so wonderfully that it amazes me.

This morning i woke up at 6:30am, to find my TV on a channel/show i had never heard of. It was called "UP TV", a channel for 2 hours of Christian Music. Soon after waking up, and not being able to go back to sleep (much to my dismay). Mike Donehe (lead of tenth avenue north) comes on the television and says these words, exactly what i needed to hear right at that moment, and then follows it with the song "You are more". I rewound and played it 3-4 times cause i was so amazed at how God could use a music video and commentary at 6:30am on a snow-day in January

--

Who you are isn't summed up by your choices
It's summed up by what Christ has done for you.

If we're in Christ, our choices don't define us...
We're defined by what Christ has done in our lives.

If we're in Christ, we're not struggling to be free,
we're free to struggle.

--

You can't live for God unless you learn how to live because of God
You can't make good choices for God unless you learn that your choices don't make you who you are.

--

Where we end up is not the Gospel
Who you are isn't what we do.. It's what is done for us.

--

You're more then your Successes
You're more then your Failures
You're more then your Choices
You're a sum of your Fathers Love.

So you wanna change the world.

If I try to make a difference would it help anyway?

--

July 4, 2010

After this week...
I don't want you to remember me.
I don't need you to know my name,
my face,
my life.
I don't need a letter, a call, a note.
I only ask one thing of you as i go...
I want you to remember that
Jesus came
and shared a moment
Serving You.

--

I wrote this is my journal the third day i spent in Jamaica, along with a saying that I have made a personal goal to live out.

"You may be the only Jesus somebody ever sees"

This journal filled with snipbits of my life and things that ive heard that have touched my life and shaped my relationship with God. Things that have impacted my life, my world. Experiences that i don't think i could ever relate to anybody else, but they changed me. I wish that everybody in the world had a experience like this, a book almost completely filled with 5 months of life... falling apart but holding my life together.

--

I want to change the world. I want to not be afraid to stand up alone for what i believe in. No matter what the cost. "For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but the spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind" 2 Timothy 1:7

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity" 1 Timothy 4:12

God,
I want to have the courage of David, a boy so young, and yet so strong. Risking his life, his dignity, everything to stand up against the giants in his life for your Glory. God I know I will face giants in my life in the next few years, maybe even months. I've overcome some before God, you've been faithful to your word before, and you will be faithful again and i know that. Give me the serenity i need to trust in you. Give me wisdom to follow your path no matter the cost. God i want to change the world, but not for me, for you. If thats your calling for me, let it be God. Wherever you want to send me, give me the courage to say "Here I am Lord, Send me."

--

So you wanna change the world,
What are you waiting for?
Say you wanna start right now,
What are you waiting for?
It only takes one voice,
Common now and shout it out
Give a little more
What are you waiting for?

Mothers Cries

an original poem --

a man walks up
five stars on chest
envelope in hand
it's opened;
heard
"i'm sorry ma'am"
as the color left her head

"i promise ma,
i'll be home safe
but, keep me in your prayers"
his last words,
thought i asked you God
to keep him in Your care.

a flag procession
men in black
shots heard far and wide
his blood shed
his promise broken
to let his flag wave high

a purple ribbon
now adorned
atonement for his life
shown with pride
near stars and stripes
at cost of life
and mothers cries.

Shifting Shadows

‎"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, -- Who does not change like shifting shadows -- " James 1:17

It's good to know that no matter the changes and decisions and circumstances in my everday life, my heavenly Father never changes, His love never fades, and His mercys are new every morning ♥

--

All the decisions i make can impact every moment of my life, some things are trivial such as what i will wear, others can impact me tremendiously, such as which college to pick. Though i know i will change my mind many times with the big decisions in life, I know that i have a God that will never change His mind, and no matter what my life is in His hands and nothing can change that (Jer. 29:11)

Faithful

You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again. I'm holding your hand ♥
So let the waters rise, if you want them to, i will follow you, i will follow you.

--

God,
No matter what happens in life i know that it is part of Your plan and though i won't understand it sometimes, i will put my faith and trust in you and realize that you hold the whole world in your hands and you will never let me go no matter what. Help me to remain in you and keep my faith and my eyes on You Lord.

Still Believe

Even when i don't see... I still believe.

--

So God, even when you do things i really don't understand, You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again. I'm holding your hand

--

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. ♥ Deut 31:8