Autumn

Still I notice You when change begins, And I am braced for colder winds. I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come... ♥
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Autumn has always been my favorite season, The changing leaves and colors and weather, but until reciently thats all it was, tangible changes. But you know God have really been working in my heart, Now not only in autumn a season of natural changes, but spirital.
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Hmm.. yes, theres been a lot of changes in my heart lately. or at least attemptive changes, God's been trying to do great things in my life. But me allowing Him to freely work in everything is a different story. You know i have the desire to grow closer to God and let Him have every aspect of my life and work in and through me in great ways and i know in order to do that i have to be willing to lay eveything down at the cross and just COMPLETELY SURRENDER and let Him have it all. But i think that is the part that i'm not quite ready for yet. You know... I just i feel like if i let everything go then i have nothing to really hold onto. and i know every time i say that the first thing that i hear back is God saying "Hold onto me, You'll always have me" But for some selfish prideful reason i can't let everything go.
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"If you wanted me to love you only, Why'd you make these hands able to hold on.. So tight"

Sometimes i question this. You know i see that God is trying to change things and i'm mostly okay with that. i know they will turn out better and give Him more glory when He has full control and i definitly want that but sometimes i just question. You know God if you wanted to be number one in my life, if you wanted to be my first and only love... Then why did you bless me so much, why did you give me people and experiences that i don't ever want to let go of? I understand that God blesses us because He loves us, but sometimes i think it would be so much easier if He just let it be only Him we had to hold onto and we had to rely on His lone power and love to sustain us. If we were weak all the time we would have no trouble trusting God with everything, because it would be the most logical and reasonable step. But you know when God lets us be strong. and lets us have the free will that we can choose what to do it is soooo hard to make the right choice. Hmm.... i guess it's just hard sometimes. I know that God is the right answer and the only one that will bring me joy and everything else in the world is going to fail me. But you know sometimes, my flesh and worldly desires just take over and i dont make smart choices.
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You know in seasons of change, especially the huge one coming up in my life. There has to be a leap of faith. There has to be something that you can stand on that will sustain you. You have to have Jesus or everything is going to fall apart. Life can take unexpected turns. I never dreamed of wanting to go to Texas or thought about going into ministry, but right now it seems like thats what God is pointing me towards. I always thought that i had my whole life figured out. But its when i started looking for Gods plans and not my own that i realized that everything i was building up on my own, was falling down right before my eyes.
With seasons of life comes changes, we all have to accept that and learn that no matter where God leads us or what we are doing, If we trust in Him and give Him the power and glory in our every moment, We are doing well.
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In this season, we all need to remember to thank God for whatever He has or is doing in our lives, and start changing and learning to give Him complete control and surrender to Him not only daily, but in every moment <3
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I will offer thanks for what has been and whats to come. You are Autumn